6 Nov 2006
The Winner of Our Limerick Competition!
The panel of judges debated vigorously late into the night in an expensive conference room in a hotel in downtown Totnes. There was heated discussion of the poetic virtues of one over another, but eventually they reached a unanimous decision, and I am pleased to announce that the winner of the Life After Oil limerick competition, in association with Schumacher College, is Ben Brangwyn, who wins a place on the Life After Oil course which starts next week. His limerick, which the judges admired for its consistency to the limerick form as well as for its fluency, goes thus,
Because growth economics backfired,
Relocalisation’s required,
Heal the trees and the soil,
Yearn for life beyond oil,
And get yourself thoroughly Gaia’d.
There were others which came close and were singled our for particular commendation.
There was a young man from Leeds
With gargantuan energy needs
He cried “Life beyond oil
Sounds like muck ‘n ‘ard toil -
Aye up, they’re my favourite creeds!”
James Clark
A brilliant young salesman for pens,
Who’s clients all came from the Fens,
Went right off the boil,
In his life beyond oil,
So his volvo’s now home to his hens.
Roger Askham
Sat on the throne like a royal
Composting humanure into soil
A true visionary said
‘This is how we’ll keep fed
As we live a new life beyond oil’
Keith Hackwood
If life beyond oil brings the blues,
hands blistered from cobbling shoes?
Then fire up the still
(if you’ve spuds in the drill)
there’s still a great future in booze.
Mark O’Sullivan.
The president fingered his putter,
While his aides ran around all aflutter
The president yawned
And said, “Oh, life beyond
oil? Well, let them eat butter�
Brad Krik
Life beyond oil won’t be fine
More hunger, disease and more crime
But one thing that will make me grin
As I ponder the state that we’re in
George Bush, on his push bike full time
Patrick Cleary
Here is a selection of the other entries… many thanks to everyone who entered…
Addicted to life without toil
Fuels efforts at candor to foil.
But the truth must will out.
So scream it you lout,
We’re about to live life beyond oil.
Ben Boyd
If we’re drunk from the cash that we earn
from this depleting bonfire we burn
then life beyond oil
will come to boil
and then its the cockroaches’ turn
Mark O’Sullivan
A hippy from near Enniscrone
Said in a languorous tone
‘You know life beyond oil
Won’t be trouble and toil
Relax, man…just grow your own.’
‘There won’t be a lack or alas,’
Said one optimistic young lass.
‘According to Mobbs
Just postpone your sobs
Coz life beyond oil will be gas.’
Life beyond oil will be sad
We’ll miss all those luxuries we’ve had:
Airport check-in queues,
Tank exhaust fumes
And long-haul flights to Baghdad
Life beyond oil will be drastic
I don’t mean to be too sarcastic
There’ll be no more driving,
The Greens will be thriving
And what will we do without plastic?
Nicholas Harvey
The painter was waxing idyllic,
About life being quite hydrophilic,
He said “life beyond oil?
My days still won’t spoil,
For I always have favored acrylic.”
Brad Krik
There was a dumb man from Texas
Who’s laundry was white and speckless
Putting the wash on boil
In a life beyond oil
Proved to us all that he’s feckless
There was a young man of Totnes
For who a life beyond oil was the best
He grew apples and pears
Traded time in LETTS shares
Because now he had more not less.
Tom Atkins
Use the grease pumped from the soil
And quickly bring Earth to the boil
But reduce to a simmer
If you’d just like a glimmer
Of hope for a life beyond oil
There was an old doomer called Peter
Who worried about our global heater
But also peak oil
Which he thought would spoil
Attempts to make life any sweeter
Peter Lipman
Life beyond oil will be fun
With power from wave, wind and sun
If we ban SUVs
And plant millions of trees
Stay at home, grow some food, we’ll have won.
‘Life beyond oil will be grand!’
Said a young idealist from the Strand
‘If we all pull together
Whatever the weather
Build your house and I’ll lend you a hand.’
Nicholas Harvey
The once was a young girl from Cuba
Stuck when russian oil stopped gettin’ to her
But she got on her bike,
claimed a veg-growing site,
now she’s happy and healthy, like Fortuna
Cath Blakey
In a world that has come to the boil
Can there really be life after oil?
Should we head for the hills
With our vitamin pills
And our hats of aluminum foil?
(to be read in an American accent, obviously.)
Is the technofix ready to roil
Or is everyone just in denoil?
Will hydrogen gas
Save our poor stranded assets -
The last chance for life, after oil?
Robert Alcock
There once was an intelligent mule
Who signed up for transculture school
He found life beyond oil
Would mean lots of toil
Giving tons of his shit for fuel
Sheila Cheatle
Since the fossil fuel party was able
To impression that life was quite stable
A new message was sent
That energy descent
Brought life beyond oil to the table
Colin Endian
The thought of a life beyond oil
Throws governments into turmoil.
“There’ll be houses of straw!
Solar heating - and more…
Few minions still willing to toil.”
Caroline Sherwood
With a Brooklyn accent (and apologies to Lerner, Lowe or Hammerstein or whoever will accept them).
Man’s directed his efforts to spoil,
Life on earth for each boy and goil.
Now philosophy’s task,
Is to constantly ask,
Is there meaning to life after oil?
George Bush sold a dream that now fades,
Tony Blair sold support for his raids,
But in life beyond oil,
When we’re sons of the soil,
The best things to sell will be spades.
Roger Askham
In my personal person-transporter
I get five miles to a pint and a quarter.
This life beyond oil
Ain’t no sweat nor toil
Hold on while I fill up — with water!
“Tell me, Spock,, did the human race blow it?”
Kirk was shocked but he tried not to show it.
“Is there life beyond oil?
Maybe under the soil?”
“There is life, Jim, but not as we know it.”
Geoffrey Cooper.
The year is two thousand twenty eight.
Life beyond oil is going great!
We grow beans and peas.
In old SUV’s.
We learned not to wait till too late!
Will our joys all slow down to a trickle,
When cheap gas has shown to be fickle?
Can we learn to have fun,
When our gadgets won’t run?
We hope life beyond oil’s not a pickle!
There is a peaknik named guy.
Who does nothing all day but just sigh,
“Oh, oil my old friend.
It’s the beginning of the end.”
A life beyond oil he won’t buy.
JC Earle